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When I stayed at my mother’s house, I took her out for a modest birthday lunch. That day was her birthday, so I bought a stem of soft pink miniature roses. “They’re expensive — just one is enough,” she said, and I took her up on it, buying only a single stem. But that one stem had several side branches, each with its own tiny roses, so when I cut it short at her house, it became three little stems — like a small, delicate bouquet. I placed it beside the little porcelain angel she treasures at home.
Sometimes, I feel as though my mother treats me more like a helper than a daughter, or that she needs to put me down, or to declare that she’s “won” in some small way, in order to feel that she is worthwhile. And yet, I also know that pulling too far away to protect myself might leave me with regret later — because I’m so grateful that she is still here, alive, and that simple presence feels like a quiet miracle from God.
There’s a teaching from God : “Honour your father and your mother, even when they are wrong.” I don’t always agree with them in everything, but I try to hold this teaching close, because I believe God is saying: honour them, even so, for there are still things in them worth respecting. God’s teaching is profound.
What I’ve come to believe is this: the kindest thing I can do for her is to gently help her depend on me less, so she can find more joy in her own life. And for that, distance matters. Not cold distance, but a kind of space — close enough to feel the good things about her, far enough to protect my own heart.
I try to keep her good qualities close in my mind, and to accept that people don’t change in the ways we hope. Within that space, I look for balance. If these reflections resonate with you even a little, may they gently encourage you on your own journey.
Wishing you a gentle and grace-filled Christmas. May this season remind you that even in complicated relationships, even in tender struggles, there is room for love, for growth, and for quiet miracles. May you carry light into the new year, and may your heart feel a little lighter, too.
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