So sad that my tears kept shedding at Mass.

I'd heard there was a church he sometimes visited. It is a Catholic Church in Lapeer. It's not very special one, but a church he felt calm and comfortable at, he said.

I will go back to Japan tomorrow on Sunday. Today is a second chance to go to Mass during my visit in Michigan. There are Saturday Vigils at the church in Lapper. I wanted to go to the church he liked.

In the daytime, we were relaxing at home. However, it just happened that I disputed his attitude towards Catholicism.

I insisted that I became Catholic in an effort of 2-year studying with a hope of getting married with him because a sacrament of marriage was his dream. I was ready to live a Catholic life with him. In addition to it, I'd already got a driver's license in Japan. But years have passed. I still live in Japan.

I haven't had an experience of confession. I know that I am still new can't be an excuse because a Catholic has to go to confession at least once a year.

He said, "It's a breakdown!"

Breakdown? What does he mean by the word "breakdown"? I got shocked at the word. Again, a marriage is receding... Every time he finds I am not devout enough.... I still don't live up to his expectation.

At my church in Japan, I have seen the Catholic who married the non-Catholic. He, or she didn't force the spouse to become Catholic, but after many years, the spouse decided to become Catholic naturally. I said to him, "This is real love." In addition, I mentioned that Catholic population is very small in Japan and I am not same as people who were raised as Catholics in U.S.A. But he replied that confession is "basic".

My days of the catechism class at church in English sounded nothing to him because I am a woman who don't do the basic.

Immaculate Conception Catholic Church     814 W Nepessing St, Lapeer, MI 48446

I didn't want to cry at the church he likes and sometimes visits.  But, during Mass －

Tears fell down out of my eyes. I lost my voice. I couldn't sing, I couldn't recite...   I was so sad that my tears kept shedding. 

My hope.  Thoughts from many years run through my mind. 

While people get married without difficulties about faith, I can't get married even if I was baptized a Catholic. 

I am writing this in Japan. As he says, it is basic to go to confession as a Catholic. Today, I haven't gone to yet. 

I have to say I am not pious.    However,  my belief is  －  Do the right thing as a person. 

I respect him. There is no one like him. In the same way, I hope he will realize I also have an asset he appreciates and it is good enough to get together even if I am not good at going to confession. I believe a marriage is not a goal, but a start. We grow up together by leading a married life. 

We deepen faith in God gradually and it is a discovery over a lifetime.