Flowers were on the desk in the room I was staying in. He quickly arranged them when he returned to his house for a couple of preparations such as clothing while I was staying at Royal Park Hotel in Rochester. Lovely pink carnations reflect his gentleness to me.
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That was when I was working at the advertising agency. I had a lunch with a pregnant woman who was at the different department during our lunch break. In connection with the story, I confided to her that I wanted a child, but I cried because I couldn't make it in time. No sooner than I told it, she cracked up, "Hahahahahahaaaaa!!!"
It hit me hard. I got hurt, but I continued conversation with a smile. She was over the moon after getting pregnant following infertility treatments. I surmise, her mind was "How happy I am!! While there is a woman who can't have a child, I can have a baby! I won!" even if it's unconscious. The misfortune of others tastes as sweet as honey.
Since then, I'd been left traumatized. After a while, my friend at the same department as me finally got pregnant after infertility treatments. On the grounds of being pregnant, she started working from home and rarely came to the office. I did all her work originally should've been done at the office when I went to the office instead of her. On the day she came to the office for a change, we went for a lunch. When I was at the table with her, I told her what happened when I was talking with another pregnant woman before. I thought that she would understand how hurt I felt, so I confided in her. However, I noticed her smiling happily. Her laughing eyes were full of joy although she didn't burst into laughter like the former pregnant woman. It cut to the core. I expected words of sympathy, "That was tough for you." or "She shouldn't have laughed out loud that way.", but I couldn't hear kind words from the woman I showed kindness to all the time. So one person's tragedy is another person's excitement, after all. Not easy, but I needed to seal off my emotions.
Congratulations again. Good bye, my ex-colleagues I spent a couple meaningful years with.
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All mothers are celebrated at Mother's Day Mass. Mothers are blessed on an alter, and women who have never given birth to children are left at Mass seats. Likewise, men are divided into two at Father's Day Mass.
We are not equal in the sight of God? Do church people know the feelings of someone who wanted a child but couldn't have one? The custom of Mother's/Father's Day at Catholic church was created by humans. Not by God.
For me, carnations are flowers for Mother's Day. So I feel diffident about being given carnations.
・Red carnations signify respect and sincere love for mothers in our lives.
・White carnations are displayed in honor of the mothers who are in heaven.
・Pink carnations symbolize a mother's love and are a sign of appreciation.
According to a Christian legend, carnations originally appeared after the Crucifixion of Christ, growing in the spots where the Virgin Mary's tears fell to the earth.
Jesus, can I receive carnations as a present for me? I'm not a mother, but I think these pink carnations are lovely.
Then I silently felt the answer came down from above.
"Yes."
I send my blessings to all the mothers on earth and in heaven. There is a life prepared for me. Turning over a new leaf, I have to live my real life to the fullest.
Until my time here is through, Jesus, please be with me.
Rose
